A Crisis in Faith
This life is all I know so far. As for where I came from there is no memory, unless it is just tabla rosa. The best I can do is mostly remember what I was told.
My flesh grew, prospered, and time spread out before me until it went into a well-documented, undeniable decay glide. Even tho expectations for the future were promising, the foundation for a second birth was rooted in more lip service than not.
As the story goes, when the Sunday School teacher asked the class who wanted to go to heaven, only little Johnny did not raise his hand, because he thought she was getting up a busload for today.
For Now: Not Right Now
I want to go to heaven but, like Johnny, I would rather be healed to extend things right now. When asked about eventually, I said I wanted to be with Jesus, the only Spirit I trusted.
If I did not, or will not be healed, then that is because I did not have enough faith to be healed. God healed me by Jesus' stripes before Jesus went up on the Cross. As for persuading God to be healed anew, I was holding God accountable in my error. I even knew this as I read about Jesus as He asked a woman if she believed He could heal her, and she answered yes. Then Jesus said then be it done to you according to your (her) faith in Jesus.
It is better to be born again and be with Jesus, is it not? Little Johnny was ahead of me. If I fear death, then maybe there is not enough faith to be healed in me, or even to be with Jesus as well, because there is no faith in doubt. I once held God in an ultimatum and now it looks like He could hold an ultimatum on me.
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